Thursday 17 February 2011

Dusty - It's like The Wire in real life



Dusty is just one of literally loads of cats caught up in the vicious circle of 'nip. Call it what you will, catnip, catwort, catrup, catfucker or stink, the truth is that some cats become dependent on the herb and will stop at nothing to feed their depraved habit. Since this report, Dusty has been jailed in gaol for Petty Larceny, Ugly Larceny, Grand Larveny and Eeh Lad That's Not So Grand Larceny for life. He is expected to get parole after four years.

CATNIP FAX YOU MUST KNOW SO YOU CAN SPOT IT WHEN YOUR KITTENS GO OFF THE RAILS AND NOT AN EXCUSE TO PRINT SCURRILOUS AND EXCITING DETAILS ABOUT DRUGS THAT WILL THRILL AND APPALL YOU LIKE A BUNCH OF BAYING UNDERCLASS AT A PUBLIC EXECUTION IN THE 18TH CENTURY

• Catnip is a plant from the mint family, which includes mintus polo, neverhurrya murray mintus and toothus pastus.

• Catnip is grown in small plastic boxes which are kept in small plastic boxes in high places. Probably.

• The most catnip ever consumed by one cat in one sitting was by Syd. He ate his own body weight in catnip last Thursday. It might have been last Wednesday, actually.

• Wozzer was banned from the Sleep Marathon in the last Cat Games when he was found to have taken catnip the night before. 'We cannot condone deliberate monging,' said the umpire, angrily.

• We get ours off Bender. Meet him by the drainpipe in the back alley – half a tin of Whiskas, a quick lick round the ears and Bob's yer uncle.

• Come to think of it, Syd's spectacular catnip session was on Tuesday.

(isn't most of this recycled from a back issue from about six years ago? Oh well, never mind, they'll never notice - Ed)

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