Wednesday, 16 February 2011

StikkiLeaks: Julian The Strange is nicked by the fuzz

Julian The Strange in the police van just now, yesterday
Julian The Strange, that odd cat who, after a huge fight with Bilbo where he knocked Bilbo off the fence in the garden of Number 7, owns the StikkiLeaks bin bag, has been busted by the rozzers.

Julian The Strange became notorious throughout Big Town when he started releasing diplomatic cables from the Other Town government, which dissed off Big Town's Minister for Foreign Affairs and Purring really badly, calling him all names and that. Them Babylon refused to comment on the arrest but did say, 'We pinched Julian The Strange in a morning raid on his tyre on the wasteground, and we got him banged to rights. Believe. Standard.'

'We don't even know why Julian's been collared by the filth,' said Julian The Strange in a statement read out by his solicitor, Fat Bloke. 'We believe it might be the Big Town authorities enacting a warrant for extradition issued by Other Town. The pigs have to totally become a tool of state oppression in this case. If a cat can't go around handing out fishy secrets to anyone who wants them, then we've got ourselves a serious 5-0 issue, innit? We would question why all this extra Dition is needed, surely it's overkill. Plain old normal Dition would be plenty, I would have thought. The truth cannot be hidden. It might smell of fish juice, but that's because it was in a bin bag with fish bits in it. We have, I'm sorry to report, eaten all the fish bits, so there aren't any left. There's no point in hanging around, they've all gone. Julian ate some, then I had a big head bit, and one or two bits – mostly skin – were scoffed by Ginge and Gobshite. I mean it. It's all gone. And all that's left are these secrets and we're going to keep releasing them. There's nothing anyone can do about it. Watch this space. Who made that smell?'

More on this story as it unfolds. In the meantime we will await vigilantly outside the police station in case any new developments develop. You can trust that, oh yes, we won't fall asleep or anything.




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